Desperate

I dont really get desperate you know. Or maybe I do. I would like to term it as eager and anxious but not Desperate. But I have oflate become quite desperate sitting at home.

For Eg. my visa. I mean the plan is being postponed since the past two weeks. Every monday I dream of getting my Visa on a thursday or a wednesday or latest by friday you know. And ever tuesday I am dejected because its not going to happen this week. I had promised myself a deadline that by 15 Aug I should be having the visa in my hand so that everything goes as planned.



Update: Its 17th Aug and I dont think that the visa officers can even smell my documents coming their way. I need the loan paper upgraded to 12 lacs. Hopefully the papers should be put in on Tuesday. But then again. Its a hope. And we all know how that goes.

Second example: A friend. My best friend Pragu decided that USA was a nice country (which it is) and migrated there for 2 or 3 yrs. I have no idea whether I like it or not. Its actually not a question of liking, its a matter of accepting and digesting and adjusting. I digested it when she took the flight. I accepted it two days back when she told me she has moved into her new place and I even saw a video. But adjusting is not happening. Not that we used to meet everyday and sniff each other around. But I knew. That she is just a phone call away and that I can meet her whenever I want. I mean she is still a phone call away but I dont know who are the people she is with, whats the environment she is in or whether she is actually free to attend my call. And I can meet her when I want but I will need to be adopted by the Ambani's which I am not so sure about. You see the Ambani's have a very thick hair growth which means that they stend to be stink soon. So I dont approve. Plus I will have the risk of being kidnapped. So I just think its better to be safe than sorry. And I cant like it or love it or hate it that she is there, because I am too going to be somewhere.

Third example: A boyfriend who listens and cares. I used to have one about a year back. Now i just have a poor xerox copy of him. He looks the same. His mind is the same. But his brain is not. And I think his compassion isnt either. But he is lucky to have me you see. I can listen, I can understand and I can help. And I am looking better than last yr and I am getting thinner and trying to be thinner than last year. And my brain has progressed. But my patience hasnt. It has been tested and bought down. I am not a snob. I am merely stating facts.

Fourth Example: Something to do. I am sure a beggar is busier than me. I mean atleast he earns while sitting. I device schemes that are going to cost my father a lot more later than my existence at this moment. I envy my maid servant, gardener, watchman, dog etc. They all have a purpose. My purpose is twenty days away. I am a hardworking person. I like to slog my ass even though a little smart and shrewd thinking can take me a long way. And I am weird. When I am idle I dream of working and when I am working I dream of sitting idle and whiling away my time. So basically I can never be happy because I am stupid

Conclusion: After only a month of sitting at home, I can safely conclude that I am ready to be a part of Desperate Housewives minus the marriage. My brain is increasing resembling a garbage can. I look like a member of Dumb and Dumber with that perpetual stupid expression on my face. And I have learnt how to cook and lost some weight.

Welcome aboard

She wears red shoes. Coupled with a red dress ofcourse. Thats the color of the airline.



I basically like her as a person but not as a wife for my brother. I might also like her sometimes as a girlfriend for bro. Clear smooth skin like you have never seen. Looks like she is the perfect healthy human being on earth carrying with her skin like a goddess. No tantrums despite being an air hostess. Fear in her heart while travelling in the trains because of the death of her brother in one of them. May his soul rest in peace.



Complete love for seafood, milk and water. And probably my bro. And yeah with my mom's food too. But most importantly with earning money. No. She is not one of those types who will "do anything for..". She will work hard. She will save up like anything. She will feed herself with airline food so that food at her home can be saved and she can buy furniture. Good furniture. She will walk up a 2 kms to save up money to buy a gift for my bro. She will work all day and study all night so that her installments and a prospect for a good career are not ruined. And she will be the only person in CS classes who will pass in all the subjects with good grades.

She will never fetch even a glass of water for my bro when she is at our BM house. Never cook or clean for him. Not smart enough to offer emotional compatibility. You can exactly giggle your way through life's difficulties. Will not move to a smaller city. Will not cook food late at night for my bro. Will not sacrifice for my bro's comfort and happiness. Not that I encourage any human being to sacrifice their ambitions or anything but I am pretty selfish when it comes to my family.

I dont like to insult or make anyone conscious about their financial status. But I am concerned about the image of my family when it comes to things like these. I cant exactly imagine her father or mother in a party which we would attend. And her father standing even next to my father? Forget it. I dont want to sound like a snob but there are some things you learn merely because of your lifestyle. I wonder how easily or smoothly she will learn them.

I am a big fan of her hard work and innocence. I also worship her dedication. I salute her spirit to be the sole earning member of her family(without any complaints) after her brother's death. I think she is a fantastic girl. But I am sorry because I dont think she is the best girl for my bro.

I have never been a big fan of Indian traditions or any tradition for that matter. I merely believe in doing what's right according to me. But that doesnt mean that I dont respect traditions. In this matter my Indianness takes over the better of me.

I know she enjoyed herself thouroughly today. She would have never even dreamed of the kind of house that we live in. I am sure she was bowled over and would love to stay with us. She told my mom that " the next time she comes, we could go to baroda and watch movies and do some shopping." which means that she is quite confident that my bro is going to stick around. She enjoyed my mom's delicious simple food. She enjoyed the company of my dog. She made the bed. She chopped ladies fingers for lunch. She relished the fish fry. She looked like a fresh daisy after she had a bath and sat in the living room without any trace of make up. She wished me good luck and told me not to worry and that everything will be good for me to land in Manchester soon. She took a packet of peanuts and sweetmeats for her mom waiting for her back home.

She left me thinking about her.

I wont be able to meet her if my bro marries someone else. I wont be able to meet myself if her and my bro's marriage goes wrong. I cant decide.

Is there someway both can be happy apart without having the feeling that they could have been happier together?

God, Forgive me.

Good Girl / Bad Girl

I am basically a bad person. I think I am . I wonder who will tell me whether I am or not. I like people and I hate them. I love people and I hate some things about them. Is it ever possible to love a person in totality?



For example, the person I think about the most. Treasure. He is my boyfriend. I dont like the fact that Treasure isnt particular about changing his underwear everyday. His " Ganda nahi hai. Abhi toh pehna hai" attitude pisses me off. Thankfully not in his underwear (if you get the joke).

My Mom. She will cook all day. Nice, Tasty, Delicious meals and snacks. All for me. All by herself, without being told by anyone. And then she will scream at me once she is tired. I dont know what I cant digest, her screaming or her food. And I cant decide what I love more. Her food or her antics.

My best friend Pragu. She is my best friend. Sometimes I feel I can tell her almost anything and there are some things which will shock her and she will innocently ask "Huh????!!!! Is that possible?How did that happen?" Its allright Pragu. Different things happen to different people.
You cant imagine sex and I cant imagine things without it. Anyway, I have been to her home, not house, umpteen times and enjoyed myself thouroughly but I can count on my fingers, make that finger, that she has come to my place. I have always wanted for her to come to my BH house, the possibility of which I dont see in the near future.

My father. I dont like talking to him after 3 pegs. He is the gentleman that I love from 7 a.m to 8 p.m on Weekdays (Including Saturday) and 9 a.m to 1 p.m on Sundays.

My Brother. There is not a thing in the world which can shut his mouth for 5 minutes. 5 whole minutes between 930 a.m to 1030 a.m. There is not a person in this world who can make him eat healthy food without it being followed by a soft drink which is sweet. Welcome Diabetes to your next prospective home. I will kill him if he gets any disease. And he will soon kill himself once he becomes bald. And who can forget his Baby Doll a.k.a Kingfisher Air Hostess. She giggles all the time without anyone knowing why. I wonder if the giggle can get them through even 5 yrs of marriage if they do marry or through her next interview.

My dog. I absolutely cant understand why she wants to sleep near our feet when she can have the whole room to herself. She positions herself like Osama Bin Laden. You just cant do anything about it. It is terrorism in broad daylight and at night. If you even think of moving your feet so that she can move you must be the only virgin in any big city of the world who thinks she can get out of becoming pregnant without using a condom.

My Maid. She has big boobs which I actually think you can milk. If that gets a little too gross then you can think that her husband is lucky to have her. And although it appears that she is wearing a decent neck length, you will be in for a treat once she starts sweeping. I dont approve. And her husband reminds me of a Stray dog I used to hate. I actually think he can bite. But I know that he loves her. And somehow I think thats good.

So you see. I cant decide whether I am a good girl or a bad girl.

And I dont know what I want to be.